This story is part of the book:
Mama Mia Let Me Go!
A journey through the most intriguing lyrics and stories in rock music
Do youremember Amy Winehouse when she was alive? Every day, dozens of virtualbouquets of flowers are placed in the comments under her songs online, theelegies that are periodically published on the Internet cry out their anguishat the fate that stopped a brilliant artist in her tracks. But the eccentricgirl herself, her unique, distinct voice; do you remember them?
I listenedto this song again recently, quite by chance. The song was released and foundpopularity in 2007, but I never listened to it with any real attention. PerhapsI had been negatively influenced by the storyline that ultimately led to herpremature death. But I clearly didn’t realise how relevant it was. You Know I’m No Good, waiting for me among my Youtube recommendations, stands out fromthe pack with the intensity of its feelings. Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good
The albumfrom which it comes, Back to Black, had launched Amy to huge success,lauded as being among the greatest British musicians. She became the firstBritish artist to win 5 Grammy Awards in one night on February 10th, 2008, whenthe album won Best Pop Vocal album. With a sale of 3,580,000 copies in the UKalone, it is now the second best-selling album in the country in the 21stcentury, and the thirteenth ever.
At that time, Amy met Blake Fielder, the man who would marry her, and with whom she was so deeply in love – but who she betrayed. It happened after a long battle with eating disorders and nights ruined by the excesses. “You Know I’m No Good”, she writes in the message bottled within the album, which also contains Rehab, her well-known refusal to accept treatment for her alcohol addiction.
But we’re not here to focus on the story of Amy and her early death. Instead, let’s investigate the song that she gave us, an example of beauty and immortal sensibility. “I’m No Good” reflects the betrayal and perhaps even her last alcoholic relapse. “I’m sorry, I’m trying hard”, she seems to tell us, “but I told you I am like this.” Everyone wanted a better Amy. Perhaps what she was asking was just to be loved as she was.
Meet you dowstairs in the bar and hurt,
Your rolled up sleeves in your skull t-shirt,
You say ‘What did you do with him today?’,
And sniffed me out like I was Tanqueray
A fewdetails are enough to recreate the scene: he meets her to talk about whathappened. He tries to keep calm because he doesn’t want to get carried away byher latest betrayal. But it’s not easy, and he tries to smell her, to check forthe smell of another, as if smelling a bottle of gin to check that it’s pure.And she knows how he feels.
‘Cause you’re my fella my guy,
Hand me your Stella and fly,
By the time I’m out the door,
You tear men down like Roger Moore
Shedoesn’t want to show that she is sorry or weaken herself. He acts like JamesBond: stolid and collected; and she as a lover who will not apologise foranything. The request for forgiveness emerges only afterwards, but even then,it’s not explicit.
I cheated myself,
Like I knew I would,
I told you I was trouble,
You know that I’m no good
“I’m not a good girl, I’m not like you expectedme to be”: shecan’t ask for forgiveness, she doesn’t say she’s sorry. Instead, she tries toreason that the only person she has cheated, is “herself”. She loves him,but she feels that she is the one who has been screwed.
Upstairs in bed with my ex boy,
He’s in a place but I can’t get joy,
Thinking on you in the final throes,
This is when my buzzer goes,
Run out to meet you, chips and pitta,
You say ‘when we married’,
’cause you’re not bitter,
‘There’ll be none of him no more’,
I cried for you on the kitchen floor
She’sreally in love, she writes in the second verse: Yes, she wanted to betray him,but even at the moment of betrayal, she was thinking of him. And without givingany explanation, she runs to meet him.
The verynext scene, there they are, chatting and eating (the detail of the chipscreates, with very few words, the notion that it’s one of their regularconversations). She knows who she wants, and she is grateful that he didn’tleave. They are back together; they can leave this incident behind.
The singer-songwriteris wonderful at creating a climax with music and words, and she saves it forthe last stanza, making it even more empathetic. She thinks back to herconversations, afraid that he will change his mind, and sad for havingdisappointed him again.
Sweet reunion Jamaica and Spain,
We’re like how we were again,
I’m in the tub, you on the seat,
Lick your lips as I soap my feet,
Then you notice like carpet burn,
My stomach drop and my guts churn,
You shrug and it’s the worst,
Who truly stuck the knife in first
Jamaicaand Spain – smoke and alcohol. She takes a bath he is with her. Everything isfine, but he sees the tell-tail signs and senses that it has happened again.As if the temperature has suddenly plunged, the two stop talking. Once again,he says nothing; he doesn’t disclose what he thinks. He’s as proud as she is,wounded by the deliberate show of indifference. It was all right, but now it’sover. Who’s hurting who now?
It is astory of pride. Itis the stream of consciousness of a girl who keeps her fears locked away and isunable to apologise. But she’s asking to be loved. The words we don’t say areoften the most important; the phrases that are stuck between the heart and thethroat, are often the hardest to express.
Even if Ican’t say what I should, the lyrics seems to say, please understand. Even if Ican’t apologise, forgive me. I am also the one who pursues you, asking that westay together; the one who smiles when you make plans for us; the one who isafraid of being better.
Behinda mask that wants to be strong, a request for forgiveness and help is hidden. I betrayed you but I ran to youimmediately: don’t leave me, help me change. Loving and forgiving is not easy,and it is even more difficult to let yourself be loved and forgiven, because itis difficult to accept such magnanimity. But at the end of the day, whatremains is the hope of being rescued and welcomed.
Amy comesback, every time, with a bag of chips or a bottle of beer. She has no words tosay; she cried in secret. She lets him take her back, she lets him forgive her.She wants to be helped to change, even if she will then feel indebtedafterwards. Maybe that’s what love really is: the feeling of being wrong,accepting that we are not perfect, then starting over again, together.
This story is part of the book:
Mama Mia Let Me Go!
A journey through the most intriguing lyrics and stories in rock music
